Rage
I know Rage
I’ve seen her peeping from around the corner
But like a well-honed lion trainer, I crack my whip
And she retreats, back into her unlocked cage.
I know Rage
I know she loves me
And every time she escapes, she charges out, circling me
When she comes, it is never to destroy me.
She burns away the grime
That has encrusted me
The pain, disappointment, hurt, anger
That has built up over decades.
She will never consume me
She only protects me
She will feed me
She gives me heat.
Rage gives me energy
She gives me light when mine is fading
And when she knows I can raise my head again and shine bright
She goes back into her cage and waits, until it’s time again.
I know Rage
She has reminded me
Of what I have given away too freely
My light, My energy.
So if you shine, it is not because your light is bright
It is because I let you shine by dimming mine
I gave you light to grow
To stand tall; to be seen; to be good and strong.
But when you abused my light to stroke your ego
To pretend to be a pure star
To bask in admiration
I took it back.
Rage gave me clarity
She reminded me
That you don’t deserve my energy anymore
You don’t get my light.
Rage yells into my soul
That what’s left of my light is for self-healing
For my children, to shine the way ahead for them so they may choose, knowing, seeing
For the work I have yet to do.
I know Rage
She has opened my eyes to the truth
More importantly
She has opened my heart to forgive myself.
For giving him my light, my energy
Believing he would protect and nurture it.
I forgive myself for standing back
Allowing him to claim accolades and recognition
For what I have grown
For what I have done.
I forgive myself for letting him gaslight me
For manipulating situations
That made me question myself
My values, my confidence, my worth.
I forgive myself for not fighting back
When he spoke down to me
In front of family and friends
Just to flex control.
I forgive myself
For not taking back my light and energy sooner
For spending decades patching the tower he needed
To appear taller, bigger, better.
Now I will smash that tower, together with Rage, and turn it to dust
I know he can never rebuild it
Because he no longer has my light ,my energy
The foundation and the glue that kept that tower standing.
It is my time to shine again.
So thank you Rage
No, I’m not cracking the whip
I can see you’re tired from protecting me
I can see you’re seeking my permission
To retreat into your cage.
So go.
Rest.
Renew.
I am good.
