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[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:14 AM, Wednesday, September 9th]

When my X called AP in front of me and our children (11 and 16 by that time) at a public venue so that I could get convinced that the affair was over. I had been able to compartmentalize (out of home was one thing, inside home was a different one) up to that very moment. However, that simple fact was received as if a house of cards were suddenly crumbling.

If it were true (and it could have been according to what happened next, basically X ended up alone), what could be the reason to keep in touch?

I also remembered, back then, an infidelity case which had taken place in my extended family: the cheater, after many years, asked for a "joint holiday" with OP and AP, so that they "could make friends". It ended horribly and the cheater was as unaware of the reason as my X.

[This message edited by ilex at 4:36 PM, Thursday, September 10th]

My dday was around Oct 2012. I’m filing for divorce next month.

I tried. His efforts were superficial. Lots of being "nice" and saying sorry, but no substantive repair of the relationship and tons of unfulfilled promises and insensitivities.

It hit me a year ago while sitting in marriage counseling when the counselor heard me say that I don’t feel heard. The counselor stared at me while my husband was chattering on about how that’s not accurate. The counselor looked me in the eyes and said "you feel unheard because you are unheard."

Then it hit me about a hundred additional times when he touched me and I all I felt was rage and disgust.

My body made me do it, lol. My body said hell no. Not anymore.

I cried and denied for at least a full year and a half.

I went to so many attorneys with convoluted ideas of how to make this work out if we divorced.

Then he called me a bad mom and I never really looked back. I went one last time and said I wanted exactly what the courts would award if it’s contested, (I pay him alimony, he gets basically all my retirement while I keep the house. I’m an MD and he’s unemployed despite many years of me begging him to get a job.)

Anyway. Here I am. And it will be worth every fucking penny. I just want him gone.

My kids were 1 and 3 when I found out. They’re 15 and 17. I stayed as long as I could make it work. Then the situation changed. You can wait until you don’t want to anymore.

It’s like taking pizza out of the oven. Take it out when you’re ready to eat it. You’ll know when it’s time. Until then, your brain will dip its toes into this. Over and over, if you’re like me. Until it clicks and you’re done.