Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: Beto1992

Just Found Out :
Completely Blindsided...

default

gr8ful ( member #58180) posted at 9:03 PM on Tuesday, June 16th, 2026

Or if going through a painful divorce, custody battle, and more financial stress is the right path forward. I didn't chose this, but now I'm stuck dealing with it.


I’m sorry OP, but your wife is categorically NOT a candidate for R now, nor may she ever be. If you’re desperately set on remaining married to what you now realize is a fictional person, you’re going to need ongoing IC, potentially forever, to help deal with someone who’s not honest with you, who blames you for everything, who doesn’t respect you in the least, and may even infect you (if she hasn’t already) with an STD. Is that how you want to live?

I know my view about this is not favored on this site, but some of us know your best shot at POSSIBLY turning things around would be to start the separation and D process NOW. If 10 miracles occur, and your wife absolutely TRANSFORMS her inner character, comes COMPLETELY clean regarding ALL she’s done (how can you forgive what you don’t know?), owns 100% of her adultery and the thousands of betrayal choices & actions without blaming you or the marriage for ANY of it, is willing to accept the natural consequences of her actions without protest, and basically becomes willing to crawl on broken glass for you, for as long as you need, well THEN and only then, might you consider stopping the D.

Here’s the key: if she doesn’t miraculously transform, and most likely she won’t, you need to value yourself high enough to recognize you don’t deserve ongoing abuse, and let’s be clear here: adultery is abuse. Blame shifting is continuing that abuse. You need to love yourself enough to truly believe you deserve better than this. And from what you’ve written, getting better than this is a very low bar for your next relationship.

posts: 760   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017
id 8897830
default

 Icedale31 (original poster new member #87471) posted at 11:20 PM on Tuesday, June 16th, 2026

Gr8ful:

I appreciate your insight. I'm aware of all of this. My last post was more so grasping the reality of the situation. After d-day, I really never sat in the pain and gave myself time to grieve this relationship. I recognize that this is a disaster, and this woman really doesn't want in a relationship with me. Just from the research I've done, I see all the red flags. No, I don't want a life of misery and uncertainty, especially at my age. I've already started the process of legal consultations to see my options moving forward.

I don't take any of the feedback here in a negative way. You all have way more experience with this than me. It just sucks to be in this position.

posts: 16   ·   registered: Jun. 12th, 2026   ·   location: Maryland
id 8897832
default

OhItsYou ( member #84125) posted at 12:55 AM on Wednesday, June 17th, 2026

If every discussion you’re having with her right now just generates more blame shifting and excuses and strife, just stop. At least for now. It doesn’t sound like you can get anywhere with her at the moment anyway. Start using the 180 to help get yourself recentered and as calm as you can be. That’s where the good decisions are made.

posts: 482   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2023   ·   location: Texas
id 8897835
default

gr8ful ( member #58180) posted at 2:25 AM on Wednesday, June 17th, 2026

I've already started the process of legal consultations to see my options moving forward.


Excellent move

He is severely overweight, doesn't have a great career, and even has some serious criminal charges that are going to land him as a registered sex offender once sentenced


This is the first thing you tell your new attorney. Sorry to state the obvious, but the lawyer’s first step is to get a restraining order to keep this piece of 💩 far away from your kids.

posts: 760   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017
id 8897837
default

BackfromtheStorm ( member #86900) posted at 9:30 AM on Wednesday, June 17th, 2026

Reconciliation is a good thing only if you have something to work with, if the person who is your partner is still worthy, no matter how low in the sewage they went with the infidelity. When there is some good in a person that can rise back.

You don’t seem to have much to work with her for what I read.

Let her go, she is a body. That’s easily replaceable with a body that has a lovable woman inside and not someone who is fille to the brim full of… 💩


He is severely overweight, doesn't have a great career, and even has some serious criminal charges that are going to land him as a registered sex offender once sentenced

Kindred spirits. Her body will follow suit and erode to match her soul mate, don’t worry give her few years you wouldn’t go back there even if they pay you.

What’s inside will slowly emerge and transform you in the outside. Give it time.


This is the first thing you tell your new attorney. Sorry to state the obvious, but the lawyer’s first step is to get a restraining order to keep this piece of 💩 far away from your kids.

Absolutely.
Have no mercy, use it to cut her off the kids if she’s a toxic influence on them.

You come first. But you are the bulwark of your kids. They come even before us until they can fend for themselves.

She wants to be fucked by a degenerate pedophile?
Fine let her me the main course. But surely your children will never be the side dish.

By the way if that’s true I would never ever even consider to stick mine in a place where there was this piece of shit’s.

STD check and keep your dress on. She is not worthy.

You are welcome to send me a PM if you think I can help you. I respond when I can.

posts: 834   ·   registered: Jan. 7th, 2026   ·   location: Poland
id 8897845
default

 Icedale31 (original poster new member #87471) posted at 1:48 PM on Wednesday, June 17th, 2026

Thanks for the advice, guys. I'm just taking things one day at a time.

I'm just done playing the mental games. I'm no longer going to be manipulated, and I'm not accepting the fake accountability. The "I messed up and its on all on me, but..."

There is no legitimate excuse for cheating. If things are that bad in the relationship, just leave. Don't pretend that everything is great while you carry out some type of twisted fantasy relationship behind closed doors. Its just funny that once they get caught, all of sudden they weren't happy for years. Once you take off the blinders, you start to see things for how they really are.

What do I have to lose that I haven't already lost? What am I fighting for?

Being the nice guy has gotten me nowhere. That's obvious.

[This message edited by Icedale31 at 1:49 PM, Wednesday, June 17th]

posts: 16   ·   registered: Jun. 12th, 2026   ·   location: Maryland
id 8897860
default

gr8ful ( member #58180) posted at 5:23 PM on Wednesday, June 17th, 2026

There is no legitimate excuse for cheating. If things are that bad in the relationship, just leave. Don't pretend that everything is great while you carry out some type of twisted fantasy relationship behind closed doors. Its just funny that once they get caught, all of sudden they weren't happy for years. Once you take off the blinders, you start to see things for how they really are.

What do I have to lose that I haven't already lost? What am I fighting for?

Being the nice guy has gotten me nowhere. That's obvious.

Proud of you Ice. You’re getting it so much faster than most. Stay strong!

posts: 760   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017
id 8897896
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20260402b 2002-2026 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy