Jabell73 (original poster new member #85648) posted at 7:12 PM on Monday, April 21st, 2025
I have been with my partner for 18 years Last July on my birthday no less I discovered he had been having an affair with a woman for 18 1/2 years A woman he had known since he was young He said it was nothing more than sex Her husband encouraged her to be with other men which sickens me She was probably seeing other men while she was with my partner He was so remorseful and has been doing everything possible to make everything right I think he has a sex addiction and we discussed this with our therapist who seems to agree I am devastated that he was leading this double life and I was such a fool I thought everything was always good with us When he ended it with her she really didn’t care Inside I am a mess It has changed my life forever My life is like a glass snowball that has been turned upside down permanently
Eric1964 ( new member #84524) posted at 8:50 PM on Monday, April 21st, 2025
I wonder on what basis sex addiction has been diagnosed or, at least, suggested?
WW always had a not-entirely negative attitude to affairs.Affair with ex-coworker, DDay1 2009-12-31; affair resumed almost immediately, DDay2 2010-06-11. Sex life poor. Possibly other affair(s) before 2009.
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 10:37 PM on Monday, April 21st, 2025
Welcome to SI and I'm sorry you're here. In the JFO (Just Found Out) forum, there are some posts pinned to the top of the page that we encourage new members to read. Also, there are some with bull's eye icons that are very good. The Healing Library is at the top of the site and has a collection of great resources.
Please see your doctor and get tested for STDs/STIs as there are some nasty diseases out there. You're probably right that she's been sleeping with other men besides your WH (wayward husband). Also, does her husband (OBS - other betrayed spouse) know or is that the story that your WH told you? Cheaters lie, and it could be that the OBS doesn't know.
His A (affair) wasn't about sex (maybe for him), but it's intimate partner betrayal. Intimate partner betrayal can do all sorts of things to you, and it can take years to heal.
He should read How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair by Linda MacDonald and Not Just Friends by Dr. Shirley Glass. Also, Lundy Bancroft has a good blog article that suggests some people hide behind the "sex addict" label rather than own up to their behavior.
Sorry that you're here, but please keep posting.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
