My view, 14 Years after d-day
Fourteen years ago today, my W revealed she'd been having sex with a client. She's OK now; she's still unhappy with herself, but I like and love her. I'm good. Our M is good. I can read JFO without triggering about being betrayed, although I do trigger on over-generalizations and what I think is bad thinking. 
I get memories of d-day and being betrayed when I'm under stress sometimes, but I think that's mainly because I'm on SI almost every day; if I didn't continue to read and post, the A would have even less impact on me than it does now. I check myself periodically to see if I'm dodging personal issues, and the ones I'm dodging are always about myself now, not about my W or our M.
The A is firmly in my past. The memories are generally annoyances, except when I use a memory in posting here. We talked about the A this morning, as we do a few times a year. I'm sad about it, but not enough to brood; we quickly and naturally moved on to something a lot more pleasant. The A is just one part of our history, a significant part, to be sure, but not the biggest by any means.
I'm not sure why I'm still on SI, and I would not be surprised if I'm here because I'm still working on something. OTHO, I may be here as a way of contemplating our inhumanity to each other and how to recover from this one way we hurt.
*****
A Way to Read SI
I think we all have a few cohorts on SI.
One is the group of people with d-days 2-many years earlier than yours. We're good sources for the variations in healing. We demonstrate the variation in what might be in your future. We range from happy in R to happy in D to unhappy.
A 2nd is the group with d-days close to yours. They're good at giving you the variation of thoughts and feelings that are normal for someone in your position.
If you stick around, you'll see a 3rd group of people - those whose d-days came after yours. You'll be able to give them the help you once sought.
A 2nd way to Read SI
Some people tell you to do one thing or another. Others will post with a goal of helping you figure out your best best course of action.
You have to live your own life, and you know your sitch better than anyone here does. My reco is to place more weight on the counsel aimed at helping you figure out your best course of action.
*****
Healing part 1
My W's A was traumatic for this BS. My advice to BSes is to figure out what you want, then figure out how likely you think you can get what you want with your WS.
IMO, d-day makes it necessary for every BS and WS to figure out who you are, who you want to be, and how you'll change from who you are to who you want to be.
I think another and better way of putting that is: to heal, a BS needs to question themself, their images of life, their wants, their needs, their perceptions, their thinking, how they process their feelings - everything about themselves.
I'd focus on one's 'shoulds'. What 'shoulds' reflect one's real 'wants', and what lies underneath turning a want into a should? 'What 'shoulds' reflect what one has been told to want. What 'wants' are 'requirements? Which ones are 'nice to haves'? Which apply to oneself? Which apply to others?' Which are attainable? Which aren't? Which conflict with each other?
IOW, even though the WS has traumatized the BS, IMO it's best for the BS to take the blow and prepare to take their whole life apart and put it back together.
The BS doesn't necessarily need to change for the Ws; the change is necessary, IM, because the WS's A means the BS's image of reality needs at least some adjustment.
*****
Healing part 2
A second aspect of healing is, IMO, processing the feelings - mainly anger, grief, fear, and shame - that come with being betrayed.
We can all do difficult things even when we're experiencing strong feelings. It's natural to freeze, run, or attack another when attacked oneself. It's also pretty common to think before acting. Many of us have wanted to beat the shit out of our WSes or their aps, but not many of us have actually done it, for example. We can think even under the influence of strong feelings.
We have our feelings, after all; they don't have us.
But healing requires acknowledging, accepting, and releasing the feelings that come with being betrayed. The alternative is stuffing the feelings into one's body where they will fester and cause additional pain.
*****
Healing part 3
IMO, you'll do better if you open yourself up to both D and R. In some cases, the BS has no choice - for example, when the WS leaves or when the BS simply doesn't want the WS back. In most cases, however, both D & R are possibilities.
Some BSes decide to put one or the other off the table. My reco is to put preconceptions aside. Put aside your perception of society's desires. Focus on your healing and your best interests. Let the D/R decision flow from those considerations.
I say that because, IMO, every sitch has its own uniqueness, and you can't know what's best for you until you're in the sitch that requires you to decide.
*****
A Speculation
I wonder how many of us - BSes and WSes alike - are driven by fear of abandonment.
Fearing abandonment was a part of my life for a looong time. I resolved it 10-15 years before my W's A, and IMO doing so helped me understand the A was about her, not about me. Pre-resolution, I saw myself as a person who might deserve being left. Post-resolution, I saw myself as a good guy and good H who people would not want to leave. My confidence made it easier for my W to gaslight me during her A, but it made it harder to gaslight me after d-day.
IMO, fear of abandonment can show up in WSes who are motivated to cheat, at least in part, by cheating because the fear they will be dumped or cheated on. It may be visible in BSes who won't or can't see D as a possible resolution in their unique cases.
But fear is a lousy way to decide. My reco is to, instead, choose the option that you think will bring you the most joy, even though that looks riskier than deciding based on your fear of more pain.
*****
Something that helped me and still does
Like many BSes, I often spiraled into circular thinking about how hard life is for a BS. Psychology calls it 'perseveration.'
Almost always, the way out was first to ask myself, 'What am I feeling?' and then to decide how to express myself. Sometimes I'd raise an issue with my W; sometimes, scream, sometimes, write; sometimes, take a walk or a drive, etc., etc., etc.
But the way out of the downward spiral started with knowing what I was feeling. At first, it was often difficult to know that. Keeping it simple - limiting my answers to one of mad/sad/scared, or ashamed - helped a lot.
*****
A Note on My Wording
I write 'd-day' instead of 'D-Day' because I grew up with men who landed in Normandy on D-Day. As traumatic as d-day was, I'm glad I was far from those beaches on June 6, 1944. IMO, there's no comparison.
I do not use upper case letters to refer to om, ow, ap, etc. Upper case letters imply respect that they don't deserve.
I redesign sentences to avoid using any of those terms as the 1st letter of a sentence.
I hope everyone would follow my example in this. 
20 comments posted: Monday, December 23rd, 2024
tipping question
We bought a new mattress. Men are coming to remove the old box spring and install the new mattress and foundation. They can take an elevator to our apartment. Once they remove the old box spring, I believe they will vacuum under the old bed, with our vacuum cleaner.
Do we tip them? ( I imagine 'yes'.)
If so, how much?
Thanks in advance.
Our current mattress is a Comfortaire airbed that has lasted since 2007. The company said then that Sleep Number essentially copied their concept and grew by aggressive marketing. Macy's says they won't remove it, which is incredible to me, since it's very light. Oh, well.
7 comments posted: Sunday, December 15th, 2024
Fun and Games
Tanner mentioned the Quotes thread in the 'Fun and Games' forum in another thread. Thanks, Tanner. You reminded me to post about 2 threads that newer folks may appreciate.
You may wonder what 'fun and games' have to do with surviving infidelity. You may have forgotten your sense of humor, but it's really helpful in recovering from any trauma. I just went through the Quotes thread with the idea of quoting some here - but there are too many wise, funny, rueful, or snarky - or wise and funny and rueful and snarky - comments to pick out only a few.
I recommend delving into the Quotes thread. You may like it.
I also recommend looking into the 'Stupid Picture Friday' thread. This thread consists almost exclusively of funny content from the web that is not related to infidelity. I recommend checking that thread out, too. At some point in your healing, I expect you'll be happy Friday is here because of the SPF thread.
1 comment posted: Saturday, October 5th, 2024
Packing for travel
Do you use packing cubes? If so, do you use the compression-type cubes?
Regular cubes seem like they'd waste space. You've got the stuff you want to pack for use, and then you've got the cube. Do they waste space?
The zipper-type compression cubes look like they save space but not space that's very useful, because they are not rectangular after compression. What's your experience?
Thanks in advance.
7 comments posted: Wednesday, July 24th, 2024
What age makes a person middle-aged? old?
Have you reached that age? How did it hit you? If you grew up with, 'Don't trust anybody over 30,' how did 30 hit you?
Asking for a friend ...
Thanks.
13 comments posted: Thursday, May 9th, 2024
It's not just the cheating ....
My W is a member of our condo board. The prez and his slave-board secretary are both nasty people and both far less competent than they realize. Right now the board is trying to accomplish something, and my W has complied with the pricks instead of doing what she knows is right.
I've triggered on that. I swear I've done so because when we've talked about her over-compliance with these turtle's eggs, she looks exactly like she did when I confronted her on red flags during her A. She's giving into her fear, hoping that they won't be angry at her if only she does enough of what they want her to do.
I'm pretty angry over this. The condo's lawyer has said that board members have suffered PTSD working for these shits, but I think that confronting them - which has never been tried - is the only way left to possibly stop them from further damaging us.
So ... she's not cheating. I doubt that she's close to being unfaithful in the usual way. But she's selling herself and me (and other owners) out nonetheless.
I understand fearing these guys. They're both over 6' tall, and one of them - the secretary - resigned from the board in 2018 because he basically threatened physical harm to our much smaller female prez, and he's come close to threatening physical harm to owners at board meetings.
But, when I think I need a decision from her, W tells me that she needs time to think. She could do that when these schmegeges press her for decisions, too.
She's got IC tomorrow. Fortunately.
*****
I'm running for the board. Wish me luck.
15 comments posted: Sunday, March 24th, 2024
Brains in Love
My W showed me an article that's behind a pay wall about some research into brains in love. I don't think I can legally quote it, but I can share some of it because the research, led by a Helen Fisher, is public. The research is new to W & me; maybe it will be new and of interest to you.
Fisher found that lots of areas in the brain light up when a subject is shown photos of the beloved but not when shown photos of non-beloved people/places/things. What surprised her is that the Claudate nucleus (lizard brain) is one of them.
Below are 3 articles that describe the research and some of its implications.
Brain in love - Harvard
Brain in love - NIH
Brain in love - Time
2 comments posted: Wednesday, February 7th, 2024
Test
Test, not Tset. test.
0 comment posted: Friday, February 2nd, 2024
13th Antiversary
As I am drafting this, d-day was 13 years and 2 hours ago, and I've recently found a previously unexpected store of pain that I have to deal with. It's not that I feel as if I've been snapped back to d-day, though - it's just another set of nasty messages I've always sent myself without realizing I was doing so.
Life with my W is great if you account for age. Her memory isn't what it was, and I'm scared about that. She's even more scared. We're weaker, slower, quicker to succumb to an injury and slower to heal, sex is something we value for what we can do rather than for what we can't. I wish I had made more money. I wished I had become a lawyer. My hearing is not close to what I want it to be.
But I still ride my bike; I'm slower, but safer. We still enjoy going out, and we enjoy staying in. I've found some streaming services that are extremely interesting, given our interests. I keep finding new novels to read. I don't enjoy music as much as I did, because it sounds so different from before; I'm hoping the next generation of hearing aids does the trick. I'm stressed out by politics, anti-social media, misinformation.
It's really hard to pin down how my life today is impacted by my W's A. She cheated. We dealt with it. It's a traumatic part of my history, and it's part of our history together. But when my memory reminds me of the A and the aftermath, I think it's one of today's stresses or issues that my lizard brain is afraid is as painful as the A was, not that the A ruined my life.
****
Don't get me wrong. I don't think the A was or is anything positive. My W said she had to do something to learn how effed up she was, and that has the ring of truth. I'm glad she didn't break any laws, but I'm sure there are ways of breaking down (so she could rebuild) that wouldn't have hurt me as much as her A did. (I can think of at least one, but I won't name it.)
*****
The tactics I used to recover and heal include the following.
I believed in myself. I stopped myself from ruminating too long on what she did to me, on how she hurt me, and on what a rotten person she was. Instead, I looked into my feelings and into what ruminating allowed me to avoid. I felt my pain and let it flow; that released it, if I wasn't ruinating.
I accepted that I hurt much more than I expected to hurt and gave myself time for processing the pain out of my body.
I created an 'observer' who saw me in pain and helped me navigate the waves of pain. That observer made me look at my sitch from several PsOV, and that helped me develop and keep perspective.
I developed the strength to ignore thoughts about what I should do and focused on what I wanted to do. When I accepted that I wanted to R, I figured out my requirements, got my W's agreement to meet the requirements, and held her to account.
I used SI to show me the many ways to deal with being betrayed and used what I saw to resolve my specific issues.
My intention is the opposite of bragging. What I hope you read in this post is that we ALL have similar or analogous strengths. We ALL can figure out what we want and what is attainable. We ALL can make a right decision for ourselves. We ALL can survive and thrive.
The tactics I used to R included the following.
I raised issues shortly after becoming aware of them. I owned my feelings - I said things like, 'I'm furious that your did ____,' not 'You're horrible for doing _____.' My mind brought up good memories from our 40+ years together, not the bad ones. I didn't feel in charge of that, though - instead, my ruminating about being a Victim usually resulted in bringing up a good memory, often to my annoyance.
The tactics I used worked for me. I hope readers, especially new BSes, recognize that they can find their own strengths and adopt these and similar tactics for acting in their own best interests.
*****
I urge you not to adopt D or R as your goal. I urge you to adopt multiple goals - 1) to heal the pain you feel; 2) to figure out what you want; 3) to get as much of what you want as possible; 4) to live a good life that you've created for yourself.
That may sound pretty selfish, and I'll accept that. But I put it in selfish terms because I believe serving one's self requires giving and getting. I simply can't help believing that one cannot be healthy or satisfied unless one does both.
*****
I urge new members - all members - to take Oldwounds's comment to heart:
I think the key to recovering from the Hell of infidelity is Universal, and that’s belief in oneself first — be it R or D.
I wish healing and (re)establishing a good life to all.
12 comments posted: Saturday, December 23rd, 2023
iphone gains and losses
I got new hearing aids a few months ago. They pretty much need to be controlled by a phone app, and my phone (Samsung S20 version) isn't listed by the HA vendor as compatible. Whatever, the app was slow and unreliable. People said get an iphone.
HA control on apple is much better than on the Samsung, but not great.
Here's what I lost:
1) Not only does the iphone NOT play flac (a lossless codec) files, apple won't convert from flac to alac (apple's lossles codec)
2) In fact, itunes (apparently necessary) deleted several GB of flac files - almost all my Beethoven, for example, all my Buddy Holly/Little Richard/Everly Bros/Valens/Orbison, almost all my blues and early country (Carter family, ect.) and Indian classical music - all essential road trip music. (well...essential to some people.)
3) The Android-IOS converter told me the conversion was totally successful. No error messages were generated, even though the app ignored my flac files.
4) My old phone and PC backups are at home, and I'm on a - you guessed it - road trip. I'm 99% certain I can get my music back, probably relatively easily, but I've always thought the iphone was a toy for most people, sort of like bread and circuses for the ancient Romans.
I wonder what else they've missed....
2 comments posted: Wednesday, November 22nd, 2023
Questions for SiriusXM customers
Questions for SiriusXM customers:
I just came back from a road trip, and a motel gave me a 3 month trial. We started listening to the '50s station.
1) The sound was lousy. The sound on the '60s channel was worse. On some songs we could hear the lyrics; on others all we could distinguish were the instruments. Lots of bass, but not much midrange. Is that your experience?
2) Over 2 days on the road, we heard a number of songs that were hits, but not by the original artists. Is that common? Do they play the original hits more often than covers?
3) They played a lot of relatively unknown songs by some top artists, songs that are unknown for good reasons. Again, do they play hits? They did pretty well with Chuck berry, but their selection from, say, Buddy Holly and Little Richard were truly some of their worst stuff.
Thanks.
4 comments posted: Thursday, September 28th, 2023
Best wishes for a safe and happy Independence Day!
** Not Posting as Staff **
I'm a Rhode Islander. We declared independence on May 4, 1776, but even so, I hope to enjoy fireworks tonight and a parade tomorrow. After all, Rhode Islanders made significant contributions to the Revolution, even though our history is not as clean as I would wish.
A year ago July 4, I was heading to Highland Park, IL on my bike when some so-and-so rode in front of me, cut me off, and then hung a U-turn despite my 'ON YOUR LEFT!'. He ran his bike into mine. We both went down. I was bloody but not badly injured. I thought about killing the other rider.
A few people saw the 'accident' and offered help. One asked where I was headed, and he told me about the killings at the HP parade. He offered to drive me and my bike home. I rode home, though.I contrasted my accident with the trauma experienced by the attendees at the HP parade, and I didn't come out of the comparison feeling very good. I felt compassion for the parade attendees and the dead an wounded and even for the shooter. Compassion seemed so much more appropriate than anger.
I hope we all have a wonderful 4th of July, enjoying each other and celebrating the Declaration of Independence.
* My shame at wanting to kill the guy is minimal; it has made me more tolerant of other riders. And I now have it engraved inside my skull that a rider who does one unsafe thing is likely to keep doing unsafe things, so I get away from them very carefully.
1 comment posted: Monday, July 3rd, 2023
Query about EZ-Pass transponders
I've always placed my EZ-Pass transponder so that I maintain as much visibility as possible, and I've always thought that meant attaching it vertically. I've always had problems getting through the execrable Indiana Toll Road tollgates, and sometimes the Ohio and NJ Turnpikes haven't read my transponder, though usually those roads do read my unit.
Recently I asked the Illinois Tollway how to solve these problems. Frustrated by their useless response, I changed the transponder to a horizontal orientation, and all the tollgates read the signals.
Does anyone here have the expertise to explain the difference? It's almost as if the radio signal from the transponder is polarized....
Thanks in advance.
The transponder is a year old BTW, so the battery should be about as good as it can be. Also, it's in a Prius, and the transponder is close to the middle of the windshield, next to the Prius's radar, I think. I relocated the thing in part because I thought interference could cause a problem, but the new location of the center of the transponder is only 1"-2" awat from where it was.
8 comments posted: Wednesday, June 28th, 2023
Wifi connection help request
I usually sit with my laptop about 8' away from a wi-fi 6/AX router used as a wireless access point, connected via Gb Ethernet to a router which is connected to a cable modem. The wifi signal is always quite strong where I sit. Encryption is WPA2/3 personal.
It usually takes 10-60 seconds for my wifi 5/AC NIC to connect to the 'net. Is anyone here able to offer suggestions to connect quicker?
Can anyone offer search arguments that may help? I can't think of a way to search without using some form of connect, and that just gets me scads and scads of 'slow connection' hits. Even 'slow handshake' searches get 'slow wifi' hits.
Yeah. I know. This is a sign of over-entitlement.
6 comments posted: Tuesday, December 13th, 2022
Unexpected i-pass/EZ-pass problem
This is about transponders that are used to pay tolls on toll roads. They're common in the NE quadrant of the US, but maybe not in other parts.
We've been on a road trip with lots of tolls - Indiana, Ohio, NY, Massachusetts. Our transponder has always had problems being read by Indiana's 'technology', but this trip we experienced problems in Ohio, too.
I called for help in Indiana, and the rep asked me for the transponder's number, presumably so they could charge the account. When I looked, I also saw that it had an 'expiration' date of 1/21! No wonder it wasn't getting read; batteries don't last forever.
NY and MA had little problem - they photoed our license plate, went to Illinois's database, picked up the transponder number and hit our I-pass account. Indiana hasn't hit the account yet - they have very few people at toll gates, and I think they let us through to prevent the backup at the gates from getting even bigger than it was. Ohio took the problem in stride, although it cost a few minutes.
Why Indiana and Ohio don't have open road tolling is **politics**. Indiana sold the Indiana Toll Road, so that really is fucked up. I really dislike the ITR. I hate the Chicago Skyway, but I avoid that at the cost of, usually, 7 minutes or so. Avoiding the ITR would cost a couple of hours, not ideal when traveling 800-1000 miles. )I drive partly because of cost and partly because I hate flying more than the ITR. )
Illinois actually notified me that the transponder may have expired - on 10/10/22, 3 days into the trip, when I was 1000 miles away from a replacement. They've had all the data about the device since they gave it to me. Gee, I'd set the system up to generate an expired notice on schedule....
Anyway, if you use a transponder and have trouble, check the expiration date.
13 comments posted: Friday, October 14th, 2022
Windows 11?
Anybody using it? Thoughts and feelings?
I tried it and went back to 10. I've had my taskbar on the left since Windows 7, and I do not like it on the bottom. I like the tb on the left because I think that displays more of most web pages. Am I kidding myself about that?
Also, I never combine taskbar icons, and I couldn't find a setting to keep icons un-combined in Win 11? Did I miss it?
Thanks in advance.
I don't play games, and I don't use 'social media' or use my phone via my PC. I have Office 2013, but I've been using LibreOffice. I use Quicken 2011, and it worked on Win 11. I really don't need the crap that MS added to 11, but I like to stay current for security and reliability.
5 comments posted: Wednesday, September 28th, 2022
Sports on TV Commentary
This has been bugging me for years, and I finally thought of checking to find out if it's me or the producers, I guess.
It has become standard to have crowd noise along with the commentary. For me, the crowd noise crowds out the commentary. I definitely have hearing problems and I wear hearing aids, but do others have trouble hearing the announcers? If you do have a problem, is it the crowd noise that interferes?
Thanks in advance.
2 comments posted: Thursday, July 14th, 2022
A-fib? Not A-fib?
My cardio diagnosed me with a-fib. I use a heart rate monitor when I'm on my (non-motorized) bike, and I've been noticing some very fast jumps in HR at the start of my rides, like for 100 to 170 in a few moments; this is during the first mile, so I'm still warming up. The jumps are scary but that's the only symptom; nevertheless, I keep my workload limited during my rides, and I don't see any other quick jumps during the rest of the ride. (I do see increases in HR that correspond to rises in the road or riding into headwinds.
I asked about the jumps, and I was told it wasn't a-fib. Instead, it's because my pacemaker senses the increase in effort and speeds up my heart so I don't keel over from lack of oxygen. The high HRs will resolve normally, and I don't need to limit my efforts during workouts.
I cannot describe how happy that made me.
Yesterday was my hardest ride in a couple of years. I did not experience the jump at the start. Has the pacer 'learned'? Was the explanation accurate?
Does anyone here have the knowledge necessary to confirm or refute the explanation of my HR jump? (Obviously, you can't speak to my specific pacer, so I'm asking generally.)
*****
I've had problems with BP and energy ever since the pacemaker was inserted. Until 6 weeks ago, I had to choose between having energy and bad BP readings (160/100) or having no energy to speak of and almost OK BP readings (140/90).
2 months ago I remembered I had taken a beta blocker years ago without negative effects. (Eventually it stopped controlling my BP.) I asked to be switched to it, and the effects were immediate: big drop in BP, big boost in energy. Now my readings are high only after I've been working on condo stuff - the board here has been negligent and arrogant in spades.
It's not that I'm riding much faster. Instead, it's that my rest stops are much shorter this year than last. But I'll take what I can get.
In any case, one beta blocker works well for me; one doesn't. Same class of drug, same predicted results, very different actual results. From now on, if I'm unhappy with a drug, I'll fight to change it, and I recommend the same to you.
'Evidence-based' anything takes one only so far. It's a decent start, but it's not the end.
Meanwhile,
3 comments posted: Saturday, June 4th, 2022
Bike helmet question - really single use?; bugs, beta-blockers
I've sustained 3 minor crashes over the last 2 years. I think I hit my head on the road or ground all 2 times, but at low speeds.
The back of my helmet has some scratches from contact with the road. There is no indication of compression of the foam. Is it really a single use item?
Helmet makers stress that a helmet needs to be replaced after any crash in which one head hits the ground. OK ... I replaced it.
What do I do with the old one? do I save it in case my son needs a helmet when he's visiting? Do I put it in the trash and risk someone picking it up and getting hurt? Do I destroy it and put the pieces into the trash? Give it to a co-op?
I keep thinking it would be great for it really to be safe and to be recycled by someone who can't afford to buy a helmet. It would be awful if the recycler was hurt in a crash because the helmet really is single-use.
Thinking out loud here ... I'm leaning pretty strongly to destroying it. The injury risk of recycling a helmet that crashed is too high.
Any counter-arguments?
It's a Bontrager Rally MIPS, BTW. It scores very well in VPI's helmet testing.
*****
Beta blockers
Last Saturday I had a terrible ride in beautiful weather. I turned around at 4 miles because I was feeling so lousy and cut over a mile from my route to get myself home, and I was unable to move much for hours after I did struggle home.
Monday I talked my doc in to changing a med from Toprol to atenolol, both beta blockers, both slow down heart rate, both can sap energy. I've hated the Toprol for as long as I've taken it (18 months or so) because I have no appreciable energy on it.
Today I rode 14 miles in the same time it took me to do 7 Saturday. I didn't need to stop and rest. I came home, sat and told plainsong about my ride, changed out of bike clothes and into normal stuff, and proceeded to do what I wanted to do. 'Recovery' took no more than 45 minutes - would have taken less if I had had to get somewhere. I'm hoping atenolol will govern my BP better than Toprol did AND let me have more energy.
*****
Bugs
Fucking bugs - literally. Today I kept riding into clouds of bugs. A lot of them stuck to my jacket. I brushed a lot of those off, but I looked at them at a red light. (I stop at red lights. It really screws up drivers, because they expect me to contest the intersection with them. But I'm a grown-up, and I learned not to get into contests with cars - oh - at least 2 years ago.)
Anyway, lots of the 'bugs' were really 2 bugs attached to each other at their rear ends. I never had a picture in my head of copulating bugs. Now I do. You really can learn something every day.
I did not like riding through the clouds of bugs, but I feel so great knowing that atenolol may be MUCH MUCH MUCH better than Toprol.
8 comments posted: Saturday, April 30th, 2022
LibreOffice
I have a perpetual license for Office Pro 2013, but it's not certified for Windows 11. It was great for the laptop I bought in 2014. I have a new laptop, and as soon as they allow the task bar to be on the left or right of the screen or shortly before they end the free upgrade, I'll go to Win 11.
LibreOffice is an open source - free - replacement for MS Office. I've used the word processor and spreadsheet a lot and the presentation piece for one short presentation. I haven't done anything complex, but some of the docs I've saved or read are pretty sophisticated, and they've been rendered correctly, as far as I can see.
IOW, screw MS Office and Office 365. I have no need to rent the software; screw MS, even though they've given me and other window users a free OS (unless you're building your own PC) and a couple of free browsers that have to be used for some websites.
OTOH, if you need sophisticated features that work well in MS Office, this might not work for you.
Has anyone here had to dump LibreOffice or its successors because of things that it can't do but MS Office can?
I tried Open Office in 2014, and it just wasn't compatible enough with MS Office docs then. I haven't had a single problem with LibreOffice in 5 months of use.
Or am I again behind the times for not using Google Docs? I would use that, except that I think Google as at least as intrusive and grasping as MS....
5 comments posted: Saturday, April 2nd, 2022
drafting problem
** POSTING AS A MEMBER **
quote] Genetically speaking we are surprisingly close to a fruit fly. This shows that small differences make for huge changes.
Not just our blue-prints but also our operating systems are encoded in our genes.
How do you presume to think you know what human behavior comes from nature and what part comes from nurture?
This was supposed to be in a quote box: Genetically speaking we are surprisingly close to a fruit fly. This shows that small differences make for huge changes.
Not just our blue-prints but also our operating systems are encoded in our genes.
When I typed it, it looked right, but when I submitted it,it was published without the quote.
1 comment posted: Tuesday, August 11th, 2020
I could use a spy camera
Not infidelity-related, but I seek some investigative help. I'm being harassed at my condo. Someone dumps trash on the hood of my car every so often. I'd like to find out who it is.
I'm looking for a small video camera with long battery-charge life, motion-sensing, decent image.
The difficulty I'm finding is that the cameras I see on amazon are good for a couple of hours. I need 24 hours, and I have no idea how much power that requires, so I don't know how big an external battery I would need.
Any suggestions? Has anyone used any spy camera? Do you have an reco about ones that work well and ones that don't?
Thanks.
2 comments posted: Friday, July 31st, 2020
Mini-G2G, Chicago North shore, October 26
Interested? If so, please post your definite yes or maybe yes. Starting at maybe 5 PM, but flexible.
Pizza at our place. Salad, too, but there's already vegies in the tomato sauce. Also something to drink. Maybe dessert. Eating utensils will be available. No tablecloths.
Low key. Food and conversation.
BSes - WSes - friends of BSes & WSes - all welcome.
If you have food allergies, PM plainsong. She can't eat pizza, so accommodating another person with food allergies should be pretty easy.
[This message edited by sisoon at 12:25 PM, September 12th (Thursday)]
19 comments posted: Thursday, September 12th, 2019
Chicago Area g2g possible
Neither my W nor I are up for planning a weekend g2g, but we are up for hosting on a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday afternoon and/or evening in late October or early November.
November 2 has been suggested, since NU is playing football away that day, and we're in the free parking area for NU games.
I guess another alternative is after an NU game.
If there's enough interest, we'll do it. If someone else wants to do an evening, that's great - just let me know.
If you are interested, let us all know if you prefer a one day or a weekend, and what date(s) are best for you.
A little background:
All SI members and their guests are welcome. An SI member is welcome even without a guest. G2Gs are not for kids, though a very young baby may work.
Conversation has always been wide-ranging at the g2gs I've attended. I assume it will be wide-ranging this time, too.
No one will be forced to talk. (You can get plainsong to talk by mentioning books you've read. )
You can come even if you're scared. Really, it's nice to be with people you know are impacted by infidelity.
I'm sure I've forgotten something.
11 comments posted: Wednesday, August 7th, 2019
It happened, and I saw it!
Out for a bike ride with my local club this morning. Stopped at a sweet shop, I guess - pastries, coffee, gelato - before lunch, but some of my fellow riders indulged in some of the offerings.
We sat around talking for longer than expected while the sweets were being consumed and decided to eat lunch at a restaurant close to the sweet shop.
Some folks actually ate dessert first! I feel so honored to have witnessed it!
(I did not indulge. I just had some coffee, which was enough.)
5 comments posted: Friday, June 28th, 2019
A good movie, Free movies via your public library
Good movie - Mad Hot Ballroom, a documentary on middle school kids in NYC preparing for ballroom dancing competitions. Man, I finally learned the dance frame for Rumba through this movie! Everybody needs to know how to do that!
We viewed this through a web service called 'Kanopy' - lots of good movies there. It's free via our local library and well worthwhile.
I urge you all to ask your local library if they offer the service. If they do, all you need to sign on is a library card.
'Hoopla Digital' is in some ways a similar service, though the selection of movies doesn't look that great. OTOH, the also loan out ebooks and music.
Also free to library users around here, and maybe free to you, wherever you are.
[This message edited by sisoon at 2:02 PM, May 19th (Sunday)]
2 comments posted: Sunday, May 19th, 2019
Sharing a great run of good fiction
I've been really lucky lately in the books I've picked up at the library, and I want to share some of the titles.
Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
The Good Earth - Pearl Buck
Sons - Pearl Buck
House Divided - Pearl Buck (These 3 form a trilogy)
All Men Are Brothers - Pearl Buck
Six Four - Hideo Yokoyama
Ghost Bride - Yangsze Choo
Night Tiger - Yangsze Choo
Concubinage is a small-ish part of The Good Earth trilogy, so it may be triggering for LTA survivors. Illicit sex, but not adultery IIRC, is in Night Tiger.
I'm also reading Faulkner's The Sound and the Fury, so I deserve a break.
5 comments posted: Friday, April 12th, 2019
Up yours, A B C!
So I'm watching the Michigan-MD game, and ABC is showing an ad with some of the great marching bands of the so-called Big Ten.
But the so-and-sos don't show the great marching bands. Why advertise something that is unavailable?
Up yours, NU, too! (That's Northwestern U.)
Stop putting on fake, dangerous noise crap at your home games and let your great band play!
[This message edited by sisoon at 2:18 PM, October 6th (Saturday)]
6 comments posted: Saturday, October 6th, 2018
1945-2016
There was a time that the Cubs won the pennant every 3 years, but that stopped long ago.
Raise a glass to the Chicago Cubs.
(signed) sisoon, who bleeds Dodger blue and is happy for the Cubs
10 comments posted: Saturday, October 22nd, 2016
Chicago area g2g in the Fall?
In June, '15, I said there's be a Chicago area g2g in late June of this year. Alas, life intervened.
But plainsong and I are again interested in helping to set something up, maybe late October or early November, if folks are interested.
Who's in, probable, maybe?
10 comments posted: Saturday, July 23rd, 2016
Double Standards
5 year old grand son is visiting us. I've played chess, blackjack, Sorry, war, and a few other games with him.
He has to win. He changes the rules so he wins. He reframes what constitutes winning in his favor. He slips in 2 moves before I can move once.
My son, his father, is forever talking to him about playing by the rules and sportsmanship. He my son) has ended games between GS & me when GS's cheating has crossed some boundary of his.
I think GS's cheating and reframing is adorable. He cracks me up.
But, boy, I used to get pissed off when my son did it when he was 5....
7 comments posted: Friday, January 2nd, 2015
Seeking input from swing dancers...
Just back from a road trip. Naturally, I played a lot of Little Richard music, not to mention ... oh, I shouldn't mention....
That stuff is fast! Do you actually dance to Long, Tall Sally or Rip It Up, etc.??? Can you stay on the beat????
I'd get lost at the 2nd beat....
9 comments posted: Monday, December 1st, 2014
