A man or woman telling the truth doesn't mind being questioned.

A liar does.

He told me I deserved to be cheated on

It's been a while since I've posted about my situation but it is late, I can't call anyone and didn't know where to turn to vent.

I need to preface this by saying I am married to a full blown narcissist and never understood things I had experienced over the years are narcissistic abuse. If only I knew long ago what that is and that it's their way of being.

Those who were here during my time on SI may remember my story. It's way too long to write. Let's say the years following DDay have not been good. I deluded myself into believing I could rebuild the marriage when the truth is infidelity had always been an instant dealbreaker for me. There were many factors that led to me not divorcing him, financial being the top.

His "fauxmorse" as I call it was brief. Questions never answered. I have been told I need to just get over it. The A comes up by me in every argument because so much is unresolved and never will be.

My healing and growth over the years happened due to reading, therapy, friends, and this forum. I don't do anything with him and after we moved to another state and bought a home I do everything alone.

My daughter whom I am very close to still lives in my native state. She has been through a lot these last few years including grieving my mom, her beloved Nana. She told me several months ago that last Christmas she found out her boyfriend was cheating and she had spent Christmas Eve taking an Uber to his home to drop his stuff off and she spent Christmas alone. This broke my heart because she deserves so much better.

So my choice was taking a road trip with my son to be with her or staying home and spending my day alone in the kitchen cooking. For a man who has broken my heart, our marriage, and has told me he hasn't had any respect for me for a long time. Who has treated me like a burden when I've had illness or injury. Who wasn't there for me during my grieving over the loss of my mother. Who thinks I'm worthless because I'm a housewife.

I knew there would be an argument and it came tonight. He's furious I left him alone for Christmas. Never mind he left me alone for years of our marriage when he was stepping out. He has ruined countless holidays in the past with his temper. In my eyes his being alone on the holiday pales in comparison to what he's done to me. I didn't do this for any other reason than wanting to be with my daughter at Christmas which was the first time since 2020, another Christmas that had ended in disaster thanks to him.

During this fight of course the A came up because it always does. That's what happens when there have been no questions answered and no true remorse accompanied by ongoing shitty narcissistic behavior.

He told me I deserved to be cheated on and that has thrown me, for tonight at least, back to the raw pain I felt 9 years ago. I'm not perfect but I didn't deserve it. No one deserves to have this pain inflicted on them. If he hated me so much he should have divorced me.

It's too late to call anyone and I didn't know what to do. I feel exactly as I did that late night years ago as the pieces were coming together and I couldn't call anyone. So I sat in my room alone as I am now feeling like I want to scream until I have no voice left.

I DID NOT DESERVE TO BE CHEATED ON.

I just didn't.

36 comments posted: Wednesday, January 1st, 2025