Destroyed on Christmas Day

Hi,
I'm new to the world of infidelity. I've been with my partner for almost 5 years and we both have children to previous relationships and live quite a distance apart. Despite this we have had a very solid relationship that has been living and fun and what I thought, solid. It has been a difficult 18months as my WS has addiction issues (alcohol and was abusing adhd medication). I have been his rock in helping him navigate rehab and dealing with his lies that come with these issues.
On Christmas Day, he gave my mum his old phone as a gift and asked me to help her set it up. Later that afternoon (he was with his family at this stage) I opened the phone to find he had not wiped it and I noticed he had fb messenger and it was there, I found the most sordid messages with this other woman. He has now told me that it has been going on for 2 years and that he cannot believe that he did this. He says he will do anything to rectify what he has done and that he was unravelling, still drinking and feeling incredibly insecure bc he struggled so much when we were apart. He has blocked and deleted the other woman, told me I can have access to all his devices and ring door bell and that he deserves everything because this is his doing. I asked him why he didn't end it and he kept saying he was trying to.
I just can't believe it. And I know, that these interactions were when he was wasted, he get better at hiding that and maybe he found someone who wasn't going to hold him accountable? I also ask myself if it would've ever ended had I not found the evidence.
I'm so conflicted because I care deeply for him, I can't believe that the one person I thought would never hurt me, has done so in the worst possible way.
My parents and daughter are heartbroken and want nothing to do with him

6 comments posted: Tuesday, December 31st, 2024