Shocked and Shattered
My name says it all. I am shocked and shattered. I have been with my husband for 32 years. Since we were teenagers. I caught him cheating and found out that he has been cheating on me for three years. Three years!!! How could I be so stupid?
He was my best friend, my everything. And he's been lying and cheating for years. I'm stunned... He ruined everything we built together, ruined my life, our marriage, and a piece of our kids' lives.
He had lost his job. He was working out for four hours a day and then he was supposed to be looking for jobs and trying to start a business. Turns out, he was on a bunch of sex apps and having sex with random people for years. All of them were one time, except in the last six months. He was repeatedly having sex with a woman for four months until she broke it off to work on her marriage (she was also cheating). Then he decided he wanted to have only one other sex partner and found a woman online who also wanted to cheat on her husband like that. Guess what? He was also having unprotected sex with me the whole time!!!
He told me we were dipping into savings every month. So, I kept taking on more and more work. He was spending thousands on STD testing, hotel rooms, flowers for others, candles, lube, etc. He did nicer things for strangers than he did for me. I can't understand why. I was doing everything...working, taking care of the kids, cleaning, and he just checked out and did whatever he wanted.
I asked why a million times. First, it was that he married too young and wanted to experiment sexually, that our sex life changed after our first kid was born (really???). After hours of talking, I found out more. I knew he had been abused in every way as a child. He told me that the sexual abuse was more than he had shared and that he was acting out his abuse over and over. That it left him emptier, and he wanted to kill himself. I feel terrible and sick... But he could have talked to me. A therapist. He didn't have to have sex with tons of women.
He says he wants to stay married. That our lives can be the same. But it can never be the same. I can never trust anyone again. I can't get over the lies. The years of lies. And my stupidity. Right now, we aren't telling anyone. My daughter's graduation is coming up. I'm not ready to talk to people I know. No one will understand.
We are talking. Hours and hours of talking. He is getting me flowers and gifts. He's helping around the house. He is talking with the kids (he acted/hinted for years that the kids are annoying obligations) and making efforts. Big efforts and changes.
I don't know what to do. Advice from people who have been in my place is hugely appreciated. This stupid girl needs to get smart fast! Thank you!
7 comments posted: Saturday, May 2nd, 2026
