Regarding polygraphs,
I went that route with my WW. I discovered the nature of her infidelity 10 years later early this year, and we worked on a timeline which wasnt particularly believable. I achieved a modicum of peace from her passing, but it was unfortunately not permanent. My gut got me digging and analyzing. My investigating things yielded a plethora of red flags and information that threatened(but not destroyed) the veracity of the polygraph.
Polygraph verified 9 months of infidelity, 1 primary Ap, 1 secondary Ap, 2 one time APs. Line was verified as drawn at Kissing, fingering, grinding, snapchat nudes, no sex.
She denies that these red flags are based in anything but merely looking bad. Things I found were;
1. Primary and one time Ap phone numbers concealed in contacts on phone. I had asked for them in disclosure, she claimed she did not have or know them. After finding she did have them, she claimed to have kept in contacts so she could block them, deleted names and put space in name bar so she wouldnt have to see name or number. Primary Aps phone number was NOT blocked when I checked. She was shocked. Or simulated shock.
2. Telegram app had been downloaded in 2018. She claims it was used for work. Its possible, but dicey. Gamey.
3. Discovered a multitude of secret emails not revealed in disclosure process. 8 in total, ranging in useage dates from slightly later than alleged end of infidelity to this year. If not used for 30 days, these email accounts from this provider self destruct, deleting everything. Theres nothing in there to learn other than that they existed.
4. Under a sex toy box(purchased 2018) in her nightstand drawer a crown brand condom expired 2015. I dont recall or ever remember that brand being in my posession. Do not believe I had ever seen one before, could not find in any store.Always had durex/trojan, rarely ever used them. She claims it was in a bag of assorted condoms I had. Doubt that very strongly, cant prove.
5. After discovering the anomalous condom, I went to my boxes of condoms in my nightstand drawer. 2 boxes of 36 trojans(purchased 2019). Because I am a slob, when I use a condom I leave the wrapper in the drawer. A man on a mission has no time to clean. Counting used condom wrappers and then remaining unused condoms, 19 were missing. No vacations since 2019, no overnight stays. She had every tuesday off, i had to work them. Hardly proof of anything, but eyebrow raising.
Taken all together, I think thats pretty hard to ignore, but I have her blanket denials of all of it having anything to do with infidelity.
I suppose my point is that there is a non zero chance that a polygraph getting you to the truth might fail to deliver as you hope. Trust might not be restored, and you might not out the lies. In my situation, I have come to have little faith in their utility. It represents to me a point of no return on learning more from my WW, who now has a bit of ledge to claim an end to further disclosure from.
The gruesome realization that I have to accept unknown unknowns for the rest of my life on this is upon me and likely here to stay, Im afraid. The remaining question is how to do that acceptance and where that leaves us.
Still intending R. Getting pessimistic about personal satisfaction ever being what I hope for if I do, though.
Bless you guys. Hope life is otherwise kind to ya. Hope things for you regarding this arent going how they are for me.
