Heartbrokenwife23 (original poster member #84019) posted at 5:00 PM on Tuesday, January 7th, 2025
I trusted my WH with every fibre of my being. I was beyond confident our M and our family would never be touched by infidelity. I wholeheartedly believed he would never throw his family away like he did … but he did. He hit the lowest of the low and I can’t help but to "group" him in with the rest of the cheating pool.
After 100’s of conversations my WH shares with me that he never trusted me to that high of a degree … ever. When he said this to me, I looked at him in disbelief …
"Do you not know me at all?! Why would I ever do that to you or our family … you really think that low of me?"
I guess I was too "carefree" with my trust and assumed we were on the same page, the same level when it came to the foundation of trust in our relationship. It kinda hurts (a lot actually) he never trusted me the way I did him and I’m the one who ended up getting burned.
At the time of the A:
Me: BW (34 turned 35) Him: WH (37)
Together 13 years; M for 7 ("celebrated" our 8th) DDay: Oct. 12, 2023
3 Month PA with Married COW
SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 5:38 PM on Tuesday, January 7th, 2025
He thought that of you because he thought that of himself. It was never, ever about you.
I also trusted my H completely and swore up and down and truly, deeply believed that he would never stray. But he did, and he had been, almost from the start. What really helped me is when our MC assigned me homework: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
They are:
1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Don't take anything personally
3 Don't make assumptions
4. Always do your best
Expanding on #2:
Nothing others do is because of you.
What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.
When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
He didn't have that thought because of anything that you did. His opinion was based on his experience, and he likely assumed that most people thought the way that he did.
Let it be his. Let him own that. It's not about you. It was never about you.
[This message edited by SacredSoul33 at 5:38 PM, Tuesday, January 7th]
Gasping for air while volunteering to give others CPR is not heroic.
Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.
Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 11:29 PM on Tuesday, January 7th, 2025
During my WW’s A’s she confided in her infidelity cheerleader that "we were so disconnected I must be cheating". People make judgements based on their own character.
A couple years before my WW’s infidelity, our Son in Law had multiple A’s, some physical and several online. Our Daughter D him, and my W was so pissed at him, and thinks very little of him. After Dday I told her she is no different than SIL, she was very upset that I made that connection, but she couldn’t tell me how she is different. That really hit her hard, but it was the truth.
Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 33 years
Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 1:39 AM on Wednesday, January 8th, 2025
It's simple projection. I trusted my WW completely because I would never even consider cheating. She was constantly jealous and mistrusting of me because she would.
I'm an oulier in my positions.
Me:57 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.
Divorced
Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 4:14 AM on Wednesday, January 8th, 2025
I agree with JSG , he is projecting his inability to deserve trust, making what he did ok to himself. I am sorry this hurt you.
It’s less about your and more about him. Sorry. I know it hurts.
He needs to think of why he thought that way and understand it.
