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Newest Member: Bee4me

Reconciliation :
When do you say we’re done

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 DBNO20 (original poster new member #85666) posted at 1:41 AM on Saturday, January 11th, 2025

It has been over two years since D day. I knew she was still lying and told her I needed a polygraph to prove she has been honest, she has told me all along that she told me everything but once the polygraph deadline got closer more truths came out. I thought once I knew everything I would be good but she failed the polygraph! I thought she told me everything before the polygraph, she says she did tell me everything but here we are! I think I’m done, 62 yrs old and I’m looking at a new life? Is this really where I am at

posts: 1   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2025   ·   location: PA
id 8858418
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78monte ( member #72572) posted at 2:08 AM on Saturday, January 11th, 2025

When you feel you're done, you're done.
Some people take months to get there, some people take years to get there.
There is no easy answer.
You will know when you get there.
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
At our age, life is supposed to get easier, we don't need this screwing it up.

posts: 5207   ·   registered: Jan. 14th, 2020   ·   location: Canada
id 8858421
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icangetpastthis ( new member #74602) posted at 4:11 AM on Saturday, January 11th, 2025

DBN: Awful that you are going through this. The 'golden years' should be nothing but fun. For whatever it is worth, I might be done too and I'm older than you are.

[This message edited by icangetpastthis at 4:13 AM, Saturday, January 11th]

M = 43 yrs on DDay = May 2018 Me/BS = 62; WH = 64Not R, Not DIn House SeparatedRemember who you are and what you want.

posts: 43   ·   registered: Jun. 16th, 2020   ·   location: A broken heart.
id 8858423
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 6:24 AM on Saturday, January 11th, 2025

Welcome to SI and I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. I want to point out the Healing Library, which has a lot of great resources. I was 55 when XWH (wayward ex-husband) had his PA (physical affair). I wasn't expecting it at this stage in my life. I'll be 62 in a few months.

When did I know that it was time to go? When I realized he was never going to be a safe partner. The pain of staying was greater than the pain of leaving.

Another question that somebody brought up really made me think. What if you live another 20-30 years. Do you want to spend the time being treated the way you are today?

The first year of two were rough trying to adjust to my situation, but I'm so much happier now. I don't have to walk on egg shells, I can do what I want. I'm content and happy on my own. Plus, I've had so many new adventures and made lots of new friends.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 4089   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8858424
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