SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Venting....

I haven't been here in a while because my life became chaos. I announced our separation with my WH against his wishes. He does not want to separate. He refused to leave our home and our bed. I announced the separation and surprisingly, he told our kids and my parents the truth. Seriously, he told them all what he has been doing. He told them he does not want to separate or divorce but it is all of his fault if it happens.

He reached out to a therapist, enrolled in intensive outpatient therapy, and has begun treatment. He is there all day, five days a week. Why couldn't he have done this before???? During reconciliation????

Shocker to me, but maybe not to you: my teenager knew the whole time! For months! He said that he didn't tell anyone because he wanted the reconciliation to work. He is devastated. He told his older siblings when they knew something was wrong and were going to break into my WH's devices. This is the day before I announced the separation.

I am overwhelmed with trying to help everyone. One kid is giving me divorce advice, one asked for me to wait until after treatment to do anything, and the other offered to physically help me throw him out of the house (he can't, but I was surprised at the offer). One of them got in a huge argument with him and they are taking space from each other right now. My parents want to talk all of the time to support me and process themselves. Everyone needs to talk with me and process. I am doing my best but it is a juggle and mentally exhausting.

I don't have to worry about custody with my youngest. I will have 100% and my WH can see him whenever he wants. No contest on that. The others are over 18. I asked for a quick no-contest divorce, but he said no. I am thankful for that now because I am a little calmer now and can use extra time to think.

My kids have been filling in pieces of what has been happening. They looked at his location the day before I announced. They told me that he switched the names of his devices and changed the tracking so his iPad looked like his phone. He admitted that they were right.

Weird stuff... the husband that reached out to me is now bothering me. I am so appreciative that he told me, but he won't stop texting and calling me. He asked me out on a date the day after he told me. He says we are bonded now. He gave his wife my number and she texted me a lot. She did give me pictures and texts that I asked for. She was texting me that my WH is a monster at the same time as texting him that she loves him (we were sitting next to each other at the time). She told me twice that she is going to kill herself and I told her to go to the hospital. Anyway, the husband won't leave me alone now. He found my social media and told me I'm beautiful, etc. I haven't responded to him in four days. Hopefully he will just stop. It hurts me when I see his name on my phone. My WH found great people on the sex sites...

I am overwhelmed and still trying to focus a bit on me even though it's impossible to find time. I took five minutes of alone time in the car this morning. I am proud that I negotiated my upcoming job contract and got what I needed. My kids were proud of me too. My WH too.

If you have gotten this far, thank you for reading my vent. Thank you all again for your support! You make me feel less alone, even if I am just reading sometimes.

You are not alone and I wish you the best on the new direction you have chosen. I big part of the battle is to take control of the situation and it sounds as if you have do so. Hang tight!

Asterisk

First of all, you are amazing and handling this so well!

I think you can tell your parents to let you breathe. You’ll reach out to them for support when you need it. I think you probably do have to talk with your kids some, but maybe get them some counseling? Especially the youngest. You will be their mom obviously, but given all you’re dealing with you can’t be their therapist. It’s ok to ask your adult kids to help you, rather than needing help from you.

Have you told OBS you’re not interested? You can always block him…

Remember to take care of yourself, seriously.

It appears like it’s an avalanche

Your kids may be very black & white. I know I would be at that age. He’s cheated - he’s out! They may not understand your thought process or why you need time to decide what is best for yourself & kids.

I’m not sure why your H’s last ditch effort is therapy etc. It might be because he’s panicking at losing his lifestyle and nice comfy life. Or it could be he really wants to change. But it appears to be too late unfortunately.

For your parents, they are concerned and want to help. Maybe have a chat with them about your future and plans. It may ease their mind. Let them ask questions about things that concern them, with the intention that you are only answering questions for a limited time. You don’t want to do this forever.

Wishing you some peace and tranquility.

The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 12:08 PM on Friday, July 31st, 2026

It appears like it’s an avalanche

Indeed. But much if it seems to have landed in her favor.

I'd block the husband. The last thing you need right now is a devastated betrayed husband who's openly trying to date you! I think that's pretty crazy, and a little creepy. Maybe you could start with setting a hard boundary explaining you have NO interest in a revenge affair and ask him to back off. If that doesn't work then block him. The last thing you need is something like that complicating and already complicated situation.

Phew, that's a lot. Let your parents know you appreciate the support, but to give you a little bit of breathing room because it's a lot to absorb, but if you need anything you'll reach out.

As for your husband, it sounds a little bit of a too little, too late situation there. He's scrambling right now, but who knows what he'll do once the adrenaline wears off? Don't make any decisions based on what he's doing right now. If he keeps it up long term you can reevaluate.

Just hang in there. For what it's worth you're actually doing great.

[This message edited by Pogre at 7:26 PM, Friday, July 31st]

Are you following the advice of a good lawyer? If not, why not?